Mixed Feelings

Can I accurately describe how I am feeling right now? That is the question and the reason the answer is so difficult is because I do not know exactly what my emotions are. My Aunt has still not replied for chapters 3 and 4 and I have called her multiple times. She never picks up. I have texted her reminders, telling her to call me when she has time. She doesn't reply or she says she will call tomorrow and when tomorrow comes...she doesn't call. I mean....I know she is going through a difficult time. I know that she is busy but I feel like she is letting me down. And she knows it too, I heard her say when she was freaking out when she picked her phone up once and realized it was me, she whispered it to her husband, not realizing I heard....I am not really mad or upset. and i have to say i expected it so i am not truly disappointed in the fact that she has no followed through. Maybe, I feel bad for her because she is unable to be dedicated to something during her troubling times. I want this to be something she can concentrate on and help take her mind off the other things, but it looks like that isn't going to happen. She had great feedback last time, but it appears as if I won't be able to hear that advice again as I am thinking that it is time to stop calling her. Though I don't want to give up because that would mean I was giving up on her and that would be a horrible thing to do at this moment in her life. ... I don't know what to do. I want to have hope but I know it is hopeless. I am not sure what to think or feel or do. I am just lost, trying and trying with no results. The only comfort is the fact that I am still writing even without her advice and I am liking what I have written. (especially ch5 :D ) All I can do for now, until the moment presents itself though, is pray, and pray I shall and I hope that you guys pray for me to. God Bless.